Infatuation or Love?

_{Is it still infatuation
Between a woman and a man?
('Try All You Want')}

Infatuation or love? How does infatuation develop and turn into love? How long does infatuation last? That is, when two people freely express their affection for each other in the most careless way. A few weeks, a few months? Those are the questions of life and death for me. I will call songs for a better verbiage when I'll be struggling to express myself. I deliberately do not mention performers to avoid unnneccessary distraction.

_{It starts with just a little glance now.
Right away you're thinking 'bout romance now.
You know you ought to take it slower,
But you just can't wait to get to know her.
(‘Here Today’)}

Infatuation starts incidentally. It could be lighting, it could be her fragrance, clothing, glance, word, a song, a situation, anything that would trigger the initial, very distant interest. You start collecting bits of a jigsaw puzzle, eventually putting them together. That is when you find yourself catching every word she says and catching every glance she gives you. You meditate upon her words, you start reading books or listening to music or watching movies that she mentioned – and, strangely, you’ve never heard of – so great the interest is about her; she does the same, because she is attracted to you probably for the same reasons – the unknown, the X.

_{aX + bX = X(a + b)}

So you’re both enjoying the X, the unknown of each other. It’s as beautiful as the first second of the Creation. Like gods you both create a universe full of symbols and codes ciphered through your glances and smiles. So powerful it is that your mind starts doing tricks, like you can feel her perfume in your room, although she has not even been in there.

_{Right now you think that she's perfection
This time is really an exception…
(‘Here Today’)}

Now if you’re older, you know you have to be careful not to be carried away insanely. Take it cool. Maybe it’s your past experience, maybe your insecurity but somehow you feel know it can’t be so good, a downfall gotta be coming. But you still cherish the moment; you want this little fairytale to last as long as possible. It is so dear that nothing else in the world is worth other than the time you spend with her.

_{You've got me hanging on a string
I find it hard to turn the other cheek
You know it doesn't mean a thing
I could be through with you within a week.
(‘Try All You Want’)}

Your insecure bravado can actually bring you on the brink of losing your girl, stupid! Don’t go there. But then you cross the dangerous point of no return and you’re guiltily, knowingly obsessed, you cannot help. You will drag your entire world into the abyss if you would have to. There are no subtle desires anymore, you want her here and now and if she doesn’t respond you feel hurt.

_{It makes you feel so bad
It makes your heart feel sad
It makes your days go wrong
It makes your nights so long
(‘Here Today’)}

The apotheosis of innocent infatuation is gone… You enter the dark world of the sex wars. You develop morbid obsession that, you’re well aware, is destructive for relationship. Then something happens, wrong word, wrong action, simple misunderstanding. At this point, everything weights pretty heavy in your universe and you’re very likely to misjudge the reality. Then the door slaps in your face.

_{It's so easy, why are you leaving?
Is it just because I've grown afraid of you?
I wish we were at the beginning,
It would be so good to be with you!
(‘Some Distant Memory’)}

Yes, you realize the days of infatuation are irreversibly gone and now you’re yearning for them, trying to recreate the spontaneity of the first days, yes it slips away somehow. You're in the black forest of dark love. You’re trying a few things in desperation and yet you’re getting nowhere.

_{See that girl? She's over there.
I don't need her, she don't care;
I could be one in a million.
It would be so good to start again!
(‘Some Distant Memory’)}

Then bitterness creeps in and she’s no ideal anymore, you throw bitter accusations at her after you have flagellated yourself enough hard.

_{While it dies so quickly, it grows so slowly
And when it dies, it dies for good.
It’s called love...
(‘Thieves Like Us’)}

Now stop. I solemnly proclaim that infatuation is better than love! Infatuation is all divine expectations and intuition, while love is a reflection, a position, stillness. No!!! I want infatuation every day. I want to walk barefoot together “through the misty meadows laughing at each other in the rain and make some faces at some people in the park” and I don’t want to bother to explain. Stupid? Obtuse? Of course! I stand up against the adult world of responsibilities that comes with love and further relationship.

There's a fear that infatuation would grow into solid and well-balanced love and even lead to marriage. ...Now you're married, two kids, you have what you want. Things are too damn complicated. You may feel like a spider in the center of his cobweb: the threads of your life are so interwoven that moving any of them will cause a dramatic impact on people around you. So it's you, rather than a incidental fly, who become the hostage of the cobweb.

It’s sad that people are sent to wars to meet their death cold and unloved. The only noble reason to die for is your true love. Please don’t tell me it’s your government, nation, religion, or political concepts... all these nonsense drapes that obscure people from each other in this world. I hear sometimes, “this dude hanged himself over a girl… idiot…” Not so harsh... his love had the price of life and don’t tell me it’s not something extraordinary. He, who has done it, is in the dark and distorted world now – again! – let’s just pray to our gods for his tortured soul…

And I would like to close with the following verses:

_{You're the kind of person
That I've always wanted to be with.
Well, you're really cool
And you always say the right things to me.
But now I'll tell you something,
From my heart beats for you deep inside:
You'll never be a burden,
And my love for you will never die!
But if Jesus comes to take your hand
I won't let go, I won't let go!!
('Run Wild')}